My name is Mitchell Cairns, I am 42 years old,
I have a wife named Ray...Rachael. We have been married for 15 years.
I have two daughters named Rebecky, no Rebecca, Becky! and Cyn...Cynthia, no that's not it. Sid. Sydney! My second daughter's name is Sydney and she is 11 years old.
I have been selling insurance for 17 years.
We live on a hill.
It has grass.
I remember a dog but I don't think it's ours. It barks a lot.
Damn dog.
I work, I have a wife, I HAVE KIDS!
I HAVE A LIFE.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!?
I AM NOT A BABY
I'M NOT! I'M NOT! I'M NOT!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wake up my sweet...Part Four
Light to dark. Light to dark. Light to dark.
There's a woman looking down at me.
She keeps returning here and smiling at me.
She's distorted. Her face looks huge when she comes close. It scared me the first time.
I tell her my name is Martin and I would like to see my family.
She just smiles and makes noises. The sounds ae strange, like the kids calling out to me when I'm at the bottom of the pool.
"Please, I need your help! I think I've been in an accident. I don't know how long I have been out of it but I feel like i'm losing my mind in here. By the way, where am I, where is here? Is Rrr. Race? Ray? Rachael! Is Rachael here?"
It sounds like gibberish.
I motion towards the bear that my daughter brought.
"Isss Baybeee awake? Did he haf a gooooooood sweeeeeep?"
What the hell has happened to me
There's a woman looking down at me.
She keeps returning here and smiling at me.
She's distorted. Her face looks huge when she comes close. It scared me the first time.
I tell her my name is Martin and I would like to see my family.
She just smiles and makes noises. The sounds ae strange, like the kids calling out to me when I'm at the bottom of the pool.
"Please, I need your help! I think I've been in an accident. I don't know how long I have been out of it but I feel like i'm losing my mind in here. By the way, where am I, where is here? Is Rrr. Race? Ray? Rachael! Is Rachael here?"
It sounds like gibberish.
I motion towards the bear that my daughter brought.
"Isss Baybeee awake? Did he haf a gooooooood sweeeeeep?"
What the hell has happened to me
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Wake up my sweet...Part Three
For the first time in a long time I awaken and I feel like I have the energy to stay awake.
I don't know the orientation of the room i'm in but I can tell the sun is low in the sky. It's either early morning or late afternoon.
I have to figure out what has happened to me. I wish I was still in the hospital so I could grab a passing nurse and ask what happened. I don't want to have to put Rachael through anymore of whatever it is that happened, by making her explain it all to me.
I love her to much for that.
Damnit where the hell am I?
I shift my head so I can see the bear.
I must have been in an accident. That is all i can think of.
I wonder how long it has been.
I don't know the orientation of the room i'm in but I can tell the sun is low in the sky. It's either early morning or late afternoon.
I have to figure out what has happened to me. I wish I was still in the hospital so I could grab a passing nurse and ask what happened. I don't want to have to put Rachael through anymore of whatever it is that happened, by making her explain it all to me.
I love her to much for that.
Damnit where the hell am I?
I shift my head so I can see the bear.
I must have been in an accident. That is all i can think of.
I wonder how long it has been.
I still have no control over my body. My life is blurry and to many things are happening to me that I do not understand.
I get cleaned whenever I crap or piss all over myself. Sometimes I'm awake, sometimes I'm not but I know it's happening.
I need to wake up from this bad dream.
Rachael where are you?
Monday, February 19, 2007
Wake up my sweet...Part Two
I awake.
I don't know how long I have slept.
One hour, one day, one week?
I look around and I feel disoriented. My surroundings no longer look like the hospital but it also doesn't look like home.
Home.
Where's Rachael? Are the kids here? I can't see beyond the bed rails. I try and lift myself and it isn't that my body resists me, it's more like my body doesn't know what or how to do it.
I manage to turn my head and that's when I see the bear. The kids must have come by. I wish I had been awake to see them. Rebecca, Becky as she prefers these days, has bear after bear.
The Vermont Teddy Bear Company depends on my first daughter.
My second daughter Sydney, is likely looking for a stuffed David Beckham doll. Good luck with that. Hopefully I'll end up with a stuffed soccer ball instead.
Where are they? I hope Rachael is okay. She's such a worrier to begin with.
Where am I? What happened to me?
I don't know how long I have slept.
One hour, one day, one week?
I look around and I feel disoriented. My surroundings no longer look like the hospital but it also doesn't look like home.
Home.
Where's Rachael? Are the kids here? I can't see beyond the bed rails. I try and lift myself and it isn't that my body resists me, it's more like my body doesn't know what or how to do it.
I manage to turn my head and that's when I see the bear. The kids must have come by. I wish I had been awake to see them. Rebecca, Becky as she prefers these days, has bear after bear.
The Vermont Teddy Bear Company depends on my first daughter.
My second daughter Sydney, is likely looking for a stuffed David Beckham doll. Good luck with that. Hopefully I'll end up with a stuffed soccer ball instead.
Where are they? I hope Rachael is okay. She's such a worrier to begin with.
Where am I? What happened to me?
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Wake up my sweet...Part One
I don't remember what happened but I know I woke up in the hospital.
I can hear the beeping of the monitors.
Oh God something is wrong with my eyes, I can't see! I feel hands and I sense movement.
What did happen to me?
One recurring voice, she's hard to understand but her voice sounds commanding and her words are said with urgency. Is that my doctor? Other voices are starting to separate from the others. Someone's crying.
"It's okay, it's okay." I try to say.
My mouth doesn't work either. I reach and I feel my arms move but not in the direction I want them to go.
What is wrong with me. Good Lord in Heaven, what happened?
Why are they crying. "Really i'm okay. I just need to sleep."
I inhale and God my lungs are on fire.
I cough and I'm sure I cough up blood. My lungs feel so full. I feel mucus coating my lips and mouth. With every breath I can feel the liquid moving.
It burns.
The doctors are all around me. I can't focus on their faces but I see masked blurry faces. I hear hushed urgent voices.
I'm so tired.
The pain in my lungs is becoming less.
"Please don't cry for me. I'm really okay."
I can't take my own advice.
I cry. I cry. I cry.
For days it seems I alternate between sleeping and eating. My nourishment can't be called food so ingesting it can't be called eating. It's forced into my throat as liquid and hungrily I drink.
I sleep. I sleep. I sleep.
I can hear the beeping of the monitors.
Oh God something is wrong with my eyes, I can't see! I feel hands and I sense movement.
What did happen to me?
One recurring voice, she's hard to understand but her voice sounds commanding and her words are said with urgency. Is that my doctor? Other voices are starting to separate from the others. Someone's crying.
"It's okay, it's okay." I try to say.
My mouth doesn't work either. I reach and I feel my arms move but not in the direction I want them to go.
What is wrong with me. Good Lord in Heaven, what happened?
Why are they crying. "Really i'm okay. I just need to sleep."
I inhale and God my lungs are on fire.
I cough and I'm sure I cough up blood. My lungs feel so full. I feel mucus coating my lips and mouth. With every breath I can feel the liquid moving.
It burns.
The doctors are all around me. I can't focus on their faces but I see masked blurry faces. I hear hushed urgent voices.
I'm so tired.
The pain in my lungs is becoming less.
"Please don't cry for me. I'm really okay."
I can't take my own advice.
I cry. I cry. I cry.
For days it seems I alternate between sleeping and eating. My nourishment can't be called food so ingesting it can't be called eating. It's forced into my throat as liquid and hungrily I drink.
I sleep. I sleep. I sleep.
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